I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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