Umm I'm too high to move.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
