This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
