What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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