you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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