R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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