Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
