i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
