i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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