I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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