tell your sister to shave her snatch
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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