I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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