alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
