i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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