The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
