final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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