Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
