My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
