don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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