he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
