Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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