I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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