dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
