Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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