Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
