white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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