Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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