I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
