I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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