24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
