Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
