Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
