Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
