i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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