If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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