i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
