I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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