That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
