we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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