my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
