just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
