Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
