I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
