doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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