I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
