wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
