You smell like stripper and shame
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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