apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
