I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
