Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
