obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
