Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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