Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Randomize
