That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The beer is more important than you right now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
