It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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