i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
