Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
