I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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