Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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