I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
