she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
