While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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