it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
