You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
