A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
