if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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