I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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