Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
