Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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